Sookehverse: Niall and Bill's Excellent Adventure
by Miral
Summary: Which vampire was Niall Brigant talking about at the end of "Dead and Gone"? Eric? Bill? For the first time ever, Niall opens up about the time spent searching for Sookie with Bill. Eric makes an appearance via cell.


_**Disclaimer: All characters and their origins in the context of the original Southern Vampire Mysteries are the intellectual property of Charlaine Harris.**_

_**During the end of "Dead and Gone", Sookie's great-grandfather Niall Brigant finds himself searching for Sookie with Bill Compton. Since "Dead and Gone" was written from Sookie's perspective, little was known about the travels of Niall and Bill. Until now. Here's their story.**_

_**Regular text is Niall's internal dialogue or dialogue; quotes are Bill's comments; and bold is Eric (via phone). If you must write a review, please be kind. Thank you, gentle readers.**_

Niall's POV

We had only just embarked on our journey. While I took heart that my great-granddaughter was strong, I knew Neave and Lochlan would be ruthless in their depravity to get at me. Calm and calculating as my kind are, I found my blood slowly simmering to a boil. Cold in my anger towards the evil ones of my kind, my temper grew heated not at them but at the one beside me. The incessant blathering of the undead-but-for-the-brain vampire Bill Compton continued as we made our way through Fae. I rued again the fact that Eric the Northman was busy in his efforts to ensure Sookie's welfare by [INSERT SOMETHING PLAUSIBLE HERE] and I was left with this simpering, insipid fool. Could one such as he even be counted a 'man'? I thought not. I turned my gaze back to him as he spoke.

"I love your great-granddaughter Sookie. I would die for her. I was right behind her when she got to her house and was taken by the killer fairies. I got caught by a red light so I was a little behind her. In mah cahr. Maybe if I had been with her I would have heard something amiss at the house. I watched them take her. I love her so much I would die for her. I was just caught off guard and was not prepared to die for her right then, you know? I also have had several speeding tickets lately and was concerned about losing my drivers license. I live in a very rural area and I do not fly, I hover. It is very difficult to travel into town by hovering. I need mah cahr to go to Merlottes for dates and Dillards to buy new LeTigre tennis shirts…"

As I nodded, I wondered what attracted my great-granddaughter to this dolt. I chastised myself again for my absence from her life. Surely, my influence could have helped her avoid wasting precious moments of her mortal life with this? I shivered inwardly and focused my thoughts once more on the task at hand: getting through Fae to the location where Neave and Lochlan were holding Sookie. Suddenly I was drawn to the present by the babblings of the idiot –

"It occurred to me that perhaps I was not being forthright with her. I was seeing this other woman, Selah Pumphrey, for several months. I often took Selah to eat at Merlottes just so Sookie could see Selah and I together. I thought it would make Sookie jealous and she would love me once more…"

I clutched my sword tightly as my eyes widened at the audacity of this moron. Surely, he was not serious? I looked at the whining knave and attempted to drown out his words with my own internal thoughts. Ah, the Northman. He was a man truly worthy of my great-granddaughter. A great warrior. Fair. Honorable. A good man. For a vampire, of course. As I attempted to block the unceasing nonsense emitted from the half-wit beside me, I was caught once more by his inane chatter –

"I had told her that I loved her, but sometimes you just have to lay it out there. Finally I saw her at a wedding a couple of months ago. She was in the wedding party. She was in a state of undress changing out of her bridesmaid dress when I crept into the room and I told her I'd give anything to lie with her again. –"

I gagged at the simpleton's comment. I glanced at my sword and wished once more that Eric had been able to accompany me on this mission. I had little faith that this pompous fool was up to the challenge and my faith was lessening that I would not in fact kill him myself before we completed our journey. Now I was better understanding the comments of the demon lawyer (I smiled inwardly at the redundancy) Cataliades. What had Cataliades said? That Compton's angst whore performances were worthy of a Patti LaBelle diva award. That Cataliades…ah, what's the nimrod saying now?

"I would do anything to protect Sookie. I want to make that clear. Ah would die for her. I'm already dead, of course. But you know what Ah mean. I wander the woods outside her house every night. Every night. When I get close to her, I inhale quite deeply so I know who and how many other people she has been in proximity to. Its important ..ah…to know things about the people you love, Ah think –"

I shook my head and wondered if I should expend the time and energy on some magic to keep my travel companion silent. What I'd like to do is cut the tongue right out of his mouth. I would have my prized silence and the satisfaction of causing him pain. It would likely take a few weeks for the tongue to regrow. Two birds, as the humans say. But, alas, we must find Sookie and my kind-hearted great-granddaughter may have a residual interest in the well-being of this vampire. He is rather pathetic. I began to wonder that maybe he was non compos mentis. I had met a vampire once, one they called "Bubba". Perhaps this Compton was similarly afflicted? Interested in determining the extent of dementia afflicting Compton, I gave my attention to him once more.

"Ah want you to know that I can provide for Sookie. Thanks to my unique computer skills, I have created a database of all vampires. While some might think that the actual compilation of the information is the important part-and I do that part myself too, I recently traveled to Peru to conduct some investigations – I think the database development is the important part. Sure, we could just outsource to a firm specializing in database development –like Microsoft or Oracle, but that's the easy way. This way the database has the William Compton seal of approval. The program is $500 but buyers can sign up for annual updates. That costs extra, of course. And its only for vamps. But maybe I can let you have a copy, since you're Sookie's great-grandfather. Its really ingenious. Who would think to create a database of individuals-complete with details about their lives-- and have that information available over the computer?"

Listening to the fool's endless droning, I felt myself inching closer towards non compos mentis. I am around 1,000 years old. I have lived a very long life and there is little evidence that my end is near. However, to hasten my parting from this bland creature, I would gladly give up a decade or two. I wondered that that would be too dramatic a status update for Facebook. Ha! I will refrain. No need to lower myself to angst-whore status! While Compton's business model irked me greatly, I restrained from saying anything –like pointing out that Adobe Professional is sold for considerably more than his vampire database and the fact that as long as one has a market niche, you can pretty much name your price. Or point out that most vampires have amassed great wealth over their long lives. I'd estimate $2,000 to be a more appropriate price tag.

I pondered Eric's great patience and incredible tolerance for not sending this one to final death long ago. Eric and I had words on occasion. We are similar in nature. High-handed, as it were. Similar types tend to clash more oft then not. A very interesting thought occurred to me. Could Eric have possibly made up the excuse of securing Sookie's safety by [INSERT SOMETHING PLAUSIBLE HERE] and instead had sent me on this errand with this buffoon purposefully to provide me with some insight into Sookie's other suitors? The idea intrigued me. Obviously, this Compton cretin is tenacious. As I looked over at him, he continued to speak and bow his head, holding his hand to his dead, unbeating heart in a melodramatic gesture to indicate his affection for my kin. In any event, if he lives next door to my great-granddaughter and truly stalks her as much as he claims, he has many opportunities to ingratiate himself into her life. My great-granddaughter, as smart and fierce as she is, is still a child in many ways. I fear her self-assuredness in making decisions of the heart may be lacking. Shall I encourage her in the right direction? I returned my gaze to the dead-in-brain-only one as we continued to make our way. I raised my brow. Is that an emo tear cascading down his cheek? If I didn't fear the ramifications of his insipid presence in my great-granddaughter's life, I could almost allow myself to be amused by his theatrics. I shook my head once more and looked down. Wait! What's he blathering on about now?

"I do feel badly that I was not able to do more for Sookie this evening to keep her from being taken from the killer fairies. I'll have you know that when Victor Madden – the representative from Nevada – was at Sookie's house to negotiate with Eric the takeover of Louisiana, I made it known to him just how much your grand-daughter means to me. I said this to him – and you can quote me – 'There is much you don't know about Sookie. Know this: I will die for her. If you harm her, I'll kill you."

I stared at him. I experienced an out-of-body experience of great intensity as my eyes rolled so far they seemed almost to tap into a different dimension. I silently reasoned out the tool's error in syntax. I'm sure he meant to say he "would" die for her, not that he "will" die for her. Although, truth be told, I myself would prefer the latter. I smiled inwardly. Perhaps tonight. In any event, singling her out to be of special significance to attacking out-of-state vamps hardly seems a wise play to ensure her safety. In fact, it actually would draw more attention to her and place her at greater risk. Again I found myself wondering about his mental capacities. I finally decided to ask the dimwit a question.

"Bill, you say you dated my great-granddaughter at one point. You did not tell me what precipitated the dissolution of your relationship?"

"I was sent by the Queen of Louisiana – Sophie Anne LeClerq –to establish a relationship with Sookie to ensure her involvement with the vamps. Your great-granddaughter's telepathy is of great use. You know-of course- that she can read humans' minds? I fell in love with Sookie over time – especially after she broke things off between us and I was dating Selah --but she has not forgiven me for the slight ruse in our introduction. And…"

I stared at the douche…nodding for him to continue as he paused.

"Ah kind of forced my attentions on her-ah sexually - and nearly drained her in the trunk of a cahr in Jackson, Mississippi. Its really an interesting story actually. Oh, I guess I need to tell you about Lorena, though – "

I counted to one million to keep my anger in check. I again looked at my sword. With great relief, I realized we were nearing Neave and Lochlan's hide-away cabin in Arkansas. So enraged was I, I knew we would be victorious in our rescue of Sookie. The murderous rage I felt was so intense I was ready to rip someone apart. I knew who the "someone" was, too. I contemplated "friendly fire" to rid myself of this intensely odious individual. The trip back would be much more pleasant without him. Very few creatures give me douche chills, but Bill Compton is one of the few.

At the slight vibration, I retrieved my cell phone. I glanced at the screen. Ah, the vampire. I nodded at the nimrod and gestured with my hand that I'd have to take the call. For a few moments, I am saved from his endless diarrhea of the mouth.

"This is Niall Brigant."

"**It is Eric. Are you nearing the location?" **

"Yes, Eric. We are moments away."

I could hear his release of tension. Then I could hear a smile on his lips.

"**And how was the trip?"**

"I don't think you need an answer to that, vampire."

Did I hear him struggling to contain laughter?

"**Bill Compton is an…interesting individual. I thought you might benefit a few hours in his company."**

"Yes, Eric, so I gathered. Did you think there would be no retribution? Poorly played, vampire."

I turned off my cell and looked at the bounder besides me and nodded indicating that we were to continue our approach. He offered the opinion that we burst into the cabin loudly screaming Sookie's name. Shaking my head, I quietly advised him that a stealth approach would be a more appropriate entrance.

As we rounded up the overgrown walkway to the cabin, I settled on my course of action:

A little magic to ensure Mr. Compton would not be left unscathed from this skirmish. However, as much as I would enjoy an accident to ensure his final death, I need him alive for the second part of my plan. He will live but he will suffer intense incapacitation. Perhaps something will happen to his tongue.

Payback to the vampire, Eric, for sticking me with this lunatic. What to do? I cannot harm the Northman and, indeed, would not want to. I will be guarded in my comments to Sookie about which of her suitors I give my blessing to. That will teach the vampire a lesson. Magic not needed. No punishment I could render matches the torment resulting from an indecisive female.

The End.


End file.
